I regret telling my boss that I’d happily go back to the office once all of this was over. By all of this, I mean the unfortunate situation that we’ve been going through for two years now. The whole idea of going back to the office now is giving me anxiety. I take a long time to do tasks that should be really quick, and it’s not because I’m not trying. It’s because I really struggle with the tasks I’m given and I don’t have enough information to be able to figure out what is going on.
I’m stressed that all us coworkers are going to be sitting in our new and fresh commercial office design in the Melbourne CBD, and the only thing they’ll be able to do is judge how slow I am at tasks. I promise I actually try really hard to do a good job. My coworkers and boss will probably think that I’m slacking off and that I’ve been slacking off this whole time. I promise you, that’s not the case. But that’s why I can’t go back into the office. I already feel so much pressure to go faster than what I physically can, that if I had my coworkers breathing down my neck I’d probably pass out from stress.
Sorry, I know this whole thing sounds really hyperbolic, I’m just really stressed right now. My heart rate is going 300 beats per minute. That can’t be healthy. All of this anxiety is coming from the thought of going back into the office. I’ve probably repeated that 100 times now. I don’t know. My mind is spiralling out of control. The panic is well and truly setting in.
I don’t even think admiring the best commercial fitouts in the Melbourne CBD will help me stop spiralling out of control. I’m beyond anxious. I just don’t want to get fired for spending too long on things. I promise I don’t mean to.